Tomorrow, , , and I will be launching a series called “Soul Food” where we wet your palette, fill your belly, and give lasting nourishment. Soul Food prep is for those of us in the Kitchen before everyone else is in the kitchen. We work behind the scenes and know all the business.
Soul food prep is a special ritual that cultivates. moments or warmth, love, and communion. We season the food and let it marinate to absorb the flavor. We put it in the fridge. We cut our vegetables. We lay everything out just to make sure we don’t need to do a second trip to the grocery store. We receive the rewards for our prep when we take our first bite of chicken which is tender, juicy, and bursting with flavor. As you chew on this piece consider it the prep necessary to make tomorrows plate taste better.
rule #1 don’t go to the store hungry
…and if you do be mindful not to put extras in the cart that you don’t need because they end up costing you. When we move into seasons of life determined to carry the bags of grief and sadness its like going to the store hungry. We pick up bad habits like we pick up the snack to keep us pacified but that ultimately lacks satisfaction. As we move into new seasons in life, old cycles become more apparent. We have to make space for the new entering our life and that requires us to let go of certain habits, people, or places. It’s part of the process to grieve and it’s important to give ourselves space to do so.
Instead of allowing grief to compound acknowledged it, let it move, and enjoy moments as they passed on by. Doing this cultivates authenticity and peace. Right now, the world is in a state of transition, discovery, and a changing of seasons. When we make this commitment to ourselves to give space for our grief while move forward in the present we set ourselves up flow with ease (re. not necessarily easily.) Like making a grocery list—it just makes the trip more efficient and prevents us from backtracking. We know this from the many times we’ve had to go back and forth to the store. It’s important that we give ourselves grace and patience as we learn how to engage ourselves in new and nourishing ways. Trial and error is the best way to learn.
Over the last few years, I’ve gotten to know myself and created a baseline for what I find nourishing. On Youtube, I created playlists for myself which include meditations, workouts, breath work, inspirational videos, and yoga sequences. I have options for length and content depending on how hungry I am and what area of my life needs nourishment. Each playlist is tailored for specific need. For instance, I have a playlist titled “Open when you need a fresh start.” Musically, I have a playlist for every moment you can think of. My favorite playlist right now is called “Do me” which includes some of my favorite artists like Fr33sol, Lavva, Desiree Dawson, and Spiritual Tony. Each day there is a different mix of what I need to be nourished and somedays it feels like I wake in a deficit. On those days, I am mindful to not pick up habits that would cost me.
rule #2 don’t stop seasoning until your ancestors tell you to
Being in the kitchen is meditative, medicinal, and a practice of ancestral communion. We season and marinate the meat, pie the filling, season the greens and cabbage, cut the vegetables, and organize sections of the kitchen all with a deep listening ear. We ask, “what is this missing?” and hear a whisper “baby you forgot the ___.” We know when to stop seasoning as if a hand gently raises our own from the pot. This is why the food taste so good. It’s generations of wisdom coming through our hands. If we allow it cooking can teach us how to trust the process. As we move through the preparation, we trust that each step taken is leading us to meal that ignites our soul. The same is true when we are in a transition period in our life.
I came to understand transitional periods through my study of Kali Ma, the Kali Yantra, and the liminal. The Kali Yantra is a symbol that represents the period of transition that occurs when we are moving through a liminal releasing into a space of surrender that allows for rebirth. We can think of the liminal space as a the birth canal—the threshold between the current world and the next. It's a dark, infinite space, and your best option is to trust where you are, how you are growing, and consume responsibly. You exist here as both the mother and the child. You are nurturing yourself and becoming.
Life is not a highlight reel. Live and experience it even in the moments where “nothing” is happening. When we cook the meal doesn’t look identical to the ingredients that we began with. During each step of the process we find ourselves saying things like “this gon be fye” or “I can already taste it” or “so and so is gonna love this.” We encourage ourselves as turn ingredients to meal. The same is true in the liminal—our old selves, old systems, thought patterns are being prepared to be something different. It may not always make perfect sense but we have a gut feeling that we are on the right track. We nourish ourselves into something tangible the same way we turn ingredients to a delicacy.
We workout. We meditate. We pray. We expand spiritually. We love ourselves, give ourselves grace, and keep moving in a direction that feels good. We do this by remembering that all of something is born from nonsense. There is not a molecule that exists that was not manifested from the context of blackness. We allow ourselves to be in the dark all while being led by the calling of our spirit to be birthed again.
This is not death you are facing. You already did that - this is life. You only fear darkness because you keep looking back. There is nothing for you there. Live in the context of your reality and be in that space. Be present with the unknown, with blackness and release your fear of it. We sometimes experience anxiety because we fear of the unknown and we fear of the context that we currently exist in. We are afraid because we don’t consciously know how we will get from a to b. What do we know about focus and reality? The former dictates the experience of the latter. Release your fear of the present and future.
Let’s marinate for a minute.
If you’ll indulge me, I have a practice for you. Set a timer for 3 minutes and focus on the space between your thoughts. If you are worried, feel that and keep your focus. Every time you are veered from your center pull your attention back. Just try. I’ll be waiting when you come back.
When we make it a practice to hone our focus we reclaim our focus from distractions and create a pattern for our brain that says “When distractions or harmful rhetoric comes up, I have to the power to focus.”
I have come back to this practice off and on for the last year and it helps me recalibrate my focus. A breathwork journey by
Sometimes, our ancestors nudge us to invite people into our kitchen and when we do there is a special bond created. The past couple of weeks working with Jacquie has been transformative and I’m deeply appreciative of what we were able to share with each other and create together. When we share and create space to listen, be seen, and be heard—we heal together. Individually and collectively when we express ourselves others are able to see themselves more clearly. It’s like being in the kitchen with an elder, as you watch her you say to yourself 'that’s how she gets it to taste so good.’
Each of us is operating as a reflection, not of the whole, but as a piece of the whole. Our individuality encourages and invokes the truth in others. So, while we are in the liminal space, it’s important to be reminded that we are not alone. There is space for existence, expression, and feeling.
rule #3 if you’re cooking but not dancing the food won’t taste good
When we dance to the rhythm four hours of work suddenly feels like 20 minutes. Every moment of joy is infused in the food. Our hips sway stirring our creativity. Minds are focused on the present moment. Laughter fills the space. The energy of our joy finds its way into the ingredients and now everyone wants the recipe. With every bite of life taken we can taste the intention of love and the energy of joy. The same is true for our self exploration. Cook with doom and gloom and that’s what your experience will taste like.
I find joy in self exploration through astrology. It’s one of the ways I dance with my self exploration. Our astrological chart is a snap shot of how the planets aligned the moment we manifested on this planet. It can give us insights to who we are. For instance, my rising sign is in Libra. Rising signs symbolize our motivation in life. When I share my ideas whether that’s via subbies or a family cookbook, a conversation at the dinner table or on stage I feel an overwhelming sense of joy and alignment.
Being read by your astrology chart will humble you and give you a sigh of relief.Through astrology we share our experiences through common language that allows us to expand our idea of self. There is a difference between knowing something and having language. It’s the same as having the ingredients and making a meal. Language breeds a cognitive and ancient understanding that resonates on a conscious level to enable us to navigate life with more ease.
Astrology can be starting place for deep and transformative self reflection. When we are called to a new season in life we must first go through the liminal space. So DANCE! JOY! LAUGH! Remembering that the result of your efforts will taste like the energy you put into. Feel all the feels, let it be bittersweet, sweet and spicy, tangy and hot.
rule #4 put your feet up and relax
Preparing for a meal, for a new life, an evolved version of self can be taxing if we don’t give ourselves to be. I like to dim the lights, light some candles and incense, pick some fresh lavender and lemongrass then run me a bath. I take it slow. I take deep breaths letting go of what has been done as well as the things still in need of my attention. I listen to music that feels good to listen to.
My bath is a sacred place of release and renewal. When I give myself permission to be nurtured in a space where no one is asking anything of me I am saying to myself
You are enough, right now.
You are worthy, right now.
You are allowed rest.
For right now, the world can wait.
After I’ve finished with my bath, I lotion myself up. I like my skin to look like gold and feel like a greased scalp. I speak words of kindness in the mirror being mindful that what I put into me is what I have to give the world.
Reminders:
Today, I will not exist as an apology for who I am not.
Today, I will exist as a celebration of who I am.
Today is defined by my choices, perception, and boundaries.
I create boundaries for myself, not for others.
I respect my no.
I honor my yes.
I hope you meet nourishment as a normal and vital part of life. It doesn’t require extravagance. To navigate the experience of life with our peace intact we have to nourish ourselves. It’s not an option.
ANCESTRAL GRATITUDE
Mama Neta,
Your giving nature, laugh, and encouragement lives in all of us. I remember how joyous you were to be alive. Your presence is unlike anything I have ever felt. You were larger than life and kind. Gentle and firm. Your kitchen stewed with delectable fragrance and your food was made with love. Your laughter filled the house. The exuberance of your smile, as we plated our food, raised the spirits of everyone within reach. Thank you for your life and your ancestral ascension. Rest in power. Rest in peace.